Girl Talk
by gwenstacey
Summary: Kurenai has a bunch of Kunoichi over for the evening and Asuma is being slowly traumatized as he listens to them talk about how yummy their favorite shinobi are. Kurenai, Anko, Shinzune, Yugao, Hana


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, pity

Warnings: Alcohol, light swearing, general love for the male body, women talking in tangents.

Asuma wasn't exactly sure what he had expected to hear as he neared Kurenai's door for a surprise visit, but the shouts and laughter of what sounded like a hoard of kunoichi certainly wasn't it. He was just about to turn around and head home when this option was shattered by Anko throwing open the front door and eyeing him as if she was a hungry tiger.

"Asuma-chan!" she called out as she stalked towards him, making him wince at her choice of suffix, "What ever brings you here on this lovely Saturday evening? Oh, and you brought sake too! Planning a little romantic rendezvous perhaps?" She smirked.

"Oh, no. I was just coming to drop this off." He lied quickly, pointing to the sake bottle as she steered him forcefully towards the door, "See I borrowed some from Kurenai about a week ago and wanted to replace it incase she had company, which I can see she does. So I'll just drop this off and leave."

Anko just smiled wickedly as she shoved him through the front door they had finally reached.

"Hey girls!" she shouted, walking in and closing the door behind her, "look who I found loitering outside."

"I was just coming to…"

"Return the sake you borrowed, yeah, yeah," Anko cut him off. "Why don't you head into the kitchen with that and serve some up for us."

Asuma nodded sharply at her and made his way towards the kitchen, grumbling to himself the whole way about the waste of good sake. He decided to take his time getting the drinks ready and out to the group of women. He wasn't supposed to know his way around Kurenai's kitchen after all.

"So what did sweet cheeks in there need to 'borrow' sake for?" Anko's sarcastic voice drifted into the kitchen.

"Some of the guys were getting together an impromptu poker game at his house and he was out." Kurenai answered smoothly. They were both beginning to lie way to easily, Asuma mused.

"Oh God," Shizune said, "Don't let the Hokage know anyone around here plays poker. It's hard enough to get her to do her paperwork as it is." Everyone laughed at this.

"So who do you think was at this poker game?" Queried Yugao.

"If I had to guess I'd go with Kakashi, Genma, Raidou, and Aoba." Kurenai answered, "But I didn't ask."

"Good lord, Genma is hot!" said Hana, making Asuma's head jerk up a bit in the kitchen where he had been pouring shots into glasses. Did women really just say things like that?

"Isn't he like ten years older than you?" asked Shizune.

"Don't care." came the reply, "He's still hot as hell. And that ass of his is just begging to be grabbed."

Apparently women did just say stuff like that, Asuma concluded as he heard several of the women hum in agreement with Hana's statement. He quickly filed that information away and made a mental note to tell Genma he might want to try hitting on the Inuzuka.

"You know who else was hot as hell," Anko spoke, "the fourth Hokage. Damn that man was fine." Again there was a general hum of agreement.

"I had to spend a week on his couch when I was ten while both my parents were out on missions," Kurenai's voice chimed in causing Asuma to listen a little harder, he hadn't heard this story, "Even then I could tell how unbelievably attractive the man was. I kept coming into his room at night and trying to convince him I had had a nightmare and needed to move into bed with him."

The gathering of women all laughed at this as Asuma made a valiant effort to not choke on his own spit.

"Did you ever make it into bed with him?" Shizune asked.

"No," Kurenai answered, making Asuma feel incredibly relieved, "I think he always knew I was lying about the nightmares, but he was still very kind about it."

"You know who I wouldn't mind making it into bed with?" Yugao started, and Asuma quickly picked up the tray of shots he had assembled, he didn't think his brain could handle much more of this kind of information right now. "Kamizuki Izumo," Yugao continued, not paying any attention to Asuma as he walked back into the room, "he has this mischievous sparkle about his eyes that makes me wonder what he's capable of."

Kurenai shot Asuma a sympathetic smile as he set the tray down and made a hasty retreat towards the front door. Anko just laughed at Yugao.

"Just Izumo?" she teased her friend, "Don't you know that he and Kotetsu are like potato chips? You can never have just one!"

Asuma closed the front door and breathed a sigh of relief as the women in the house behind him burst into laughter. He walked away figuring that he would stop by again in a few days. Maybe by then it would be safe.

The women watched his retreating back from the window.

"Think we scarred him for life?" asked Hana.

"Naw, he'll be fine." replied Anko, "Men could use to have there eyes opened about how women think."

"There is definitely something to be said for watching him walk away though," Kurenai breathed, never taking her eyes off of her boyfriends retreating ass.

The rest of the women just hummed.


End file.
